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Nepalm Spray Gun If like me, you hate gardening, then you'll know the irritation caused by aphids and other bugs. But now there's a new device which can totally revolutionise your garden and take all the backache out of weeding or mowing the lawn. The Nepalm Spray Gun, adapted from Ex-Vietnam flame throwers, will do away with aphids, slugs, beetles, flat worms and moles.....and flowers, grass, bushes and trees..with just one easy application. Yes! The Nepalm Spray Gun! Comes with added attachments for getting round those awkward corners. Yes! Do away with gardening troubles by doing away with your garden! The Nepalm Spray Gun! For people who hate gardening. Mass defoliage is our speciality. For further details ring New York 555 444 and ask for Rear Gunner Kawolski. SONG:(Beverley Hill Billies type tune.) If you hate to work in summer and the garden's over grown. If the aphids are quite rampant and the grass has not been mown. If you can't be arsed with weeding and you like to sleep all day. Then, settle all your problems in a jiff with Nepalm Spray! Copyright David Hallamshire
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Mad Dog Toothpaste Does your canine friend have bad breath? Do you loath having to brush your dog's teeth? And are you tired of taking him to the vets, or using that same old boring toothpaste? Want to make canine oral hygiene fun? Then try Mad Dog Foaming toothpaste! One application of Mad Dog Toothpaste will fill your dog's mouth with an invigorating white froth that not only cleans and protects but is guaranteed to frighten even the most relaxed of children. Foaming effect lasts up to eight hours with just one application. Also comes with added hallucinogenic plaque removal agent so your dog can go on the trip of a life time with every oral cleansing. Never before has brushing your dog's teeth been so much fun. Howl with laughter as your dog howls at the moon! Yes! Make brushing your dog's teeth fun! Ask at your pharmacist's for Mad Dog Toothpaste! Also look out for our new range of amusing animal care products like our Exploding Worming Tablets and Scrotum Harness dog lead! SONG:Oh Mad Dog toothpaste sends our dog insane. Since Mad Dog toothpaste he's never been the same. He used to have bad breath and chase the postman up the street. But now he thinks he's Elvis and his breath is fresh and sweet. Copyright David Hallamshire |
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Mark's Carpets Come to Mark's Carpets where prices have never been lower! Want a cheap fridge or cooker? Then don't go to Mark's Carpets where carpets are sold at Mark's Carpets for amazingly low prices...at Mark's Carpets. Yes! Get down to Mark's Carpets and get the carpet deal of a life time at Mark's Carpets where carpets are cheaper then anywhere else you can buy carpets cheap. Pay full price now...and don't pay a thing! Yes! Buy your carpet outright and in six months time you won't owe us a penny! Totally free credit with each carpet fully paid for! This amazing offer is also available in Rotherham, Sheffield, Leeds and Nottingham....or any other big city where people don't have any money! Yes! Mark's Carpets! Open Bank Holiday Mondays! SONG: Get yourself down to Mark's Carpets where you can buy everything. Just look for the guy with the seventies perm and massive sovereign ring. He'll put you right, if you see what you like. There's a bargain for everyone. Junction five on the North bound side of the handy...M1. Copyright David Hallamshire |
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The Gossamer Wonderful Bra Girls! Are you finding it difficult to keep abreast of your more buxom friends? Do you find it hard to create that thrusting cleavage so admired by men? Well worry no more! The New Gossamer Wonderful Bra is here! Specially designed with uplift thrust bars and underwired cantilever strain enhance release mechanism, the Gossamer Wonderful Bra will change your shape without the need for expensive surgery. With the scientifically designed reinforced cups, and shoe horn supplied absolutely free with each bra, you can scoop yourself into shape and become a new woman. Even if you're a man!
Yes! The Gossamer Wonderful Bra. Makes a new woman of you! SONG: Wonderful! Wonderful! I'm woman through and through. I changed my shape with Wonderful, and you can do this too. Yes I was shy and didn't know why, the boys laughed at my buds. Until I got a sleak new shape, and two great massive jugs. Copyright David Hallamshire |
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Rocket Stair Lift Does your Grandmother have trouble getting up stairs? Are her legs not as strong as they used to be? Does she have to rely on others to get her to bed? Then why not treat her to a Wonder Rocket Stair Lift! The Wonder Rocket Stair Lift can easily be fitted to any stair rail. Adapted from Russian Airforce ejector seats, it is easy to use. And the fully operational radio distress beacon, which comes free with each chair, makes it easy to locate Granny if she over-shoots the landing. To operate, simply place any old lady in the chair lift and pull the red handle! Yes! The Wonder Rocket Stair Lift. Reaches Mac 5 in only eight seconds! See the terror...pleasure...on your old Gran's face when she realises that she no longer has to crawl up stairs. The Wonder Rocket Stair Lift. Puts the fun back into visiting old people. SONG: (To, LOOK AT GRANNY RUN RUN by Ry Cooder.) Look at Granny fly fly Faster than a sonic jet Won't you look at Granny fly fly And she ain't stopped yet. We went to the shop and got a brand new lift She goes at Mac 5 now, right on over the hill. She can't sit still Great God almighty won't you look at Granny fly fly! Faster than a Greyhound bus. Look at Granny fly fly. And she makes such a fuss. Won't you look at Granny fly fly etc Copyright David Hallamshire
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Pile Driver Cream Do you find sitting down for a long time is a pain in the bum? Do you get that embarrassing deep down itch during business meetings? What you need is Pile Driver Cream! A pain in the ring is a terrible thing. But now relief is at hand with the New Formula Pile Driver soothing lotion. Yes! With just one simple daily application of Pile Driver lotion you can put relief behind you and look forward to comfort. Also included with each tube of Pile Driver lotion is the new ergonomically designed "Pile Driver Applicator" for those difficult to get to places. Just bend the knees! Insert and squeeze! Nothing could be more simple!
(SONG) Oh Pile Driver! Pile Driver! That's the cream for me. Pile Driver hits the spot and gives your bum ring ease. When itching gets too painful for the daily office grind. Just bend your kness, insert and squeeze, and comfort your behind! (Also comes in strawberry flavour!) Copyright David Hallamshire |