Really Annoying Reject Notes:

( These are genuine reject notes.  Except the first one with the cartoon.)

Dear Mr Hallamshire,

Your book is a work of genius.  Never in my whole life have I read anything so wonderful in the history of publishing.  It made me laugh so much I have been hospitalised.  The other fifty eight editors all loved it too.  However it is not for us.   I am sure you will place this speedily with another publisher (ha ha ha ha! Just a little joke).

Yours Sincerely....Unreadable Squiggle.

REJECT NOTES
HEADLINE PUBLISHING LTD 

Re: Bouncy Women

Oh yes!  Wibbly wobbly women everywhere - what joy!  You write so sharply that it is a pleasure to be introduced to your ideas.  Unfortunately, Bouncy Women isn't suitable for Headline though.
PIATKUS BOOKS

Re: Snuff Software

Many thanks for you letter of the 18th. I am sorry for the tardiness of this reply.  We enjoyed looking through your chilling futuristic crime novel, but sadly, after some consideration, we don't feel that we are the right publisher for this rather specialised genre fiction.  I am sure that you will be able to place this very speedily elsewhere.
DARLEY ANDERSON LITERARY AGENCY

Re: The World Mind Games

I think the World Mind Games is brilliant, original, funny and clever.  I'm afraid I also think it will be impossible to sell.  In nervy times, publishers play safe.  But you might try Nick Sayers at Harper Collins with my compliments.  If he likes it, we'll help you negotiate a deal.  We all enjoyed your book and many congratulations on a neat futuristic mix of Wellsian Rollerball!
A.P.WATT LITERARY AGENTS

Re: Task, Bouncy Women, Toddlers.

While you are clearly very prolific and have a wonderfully original imagination, I'm afraid I have to confess straight up that I have a complete mental block when it comes to any kind of science fiction or fantasy writing. etc etc.

However, you are clearly determined and you clearly have talent and I do wish you luck in finding a publisher and agent for your work.

PETERS,FRASER,DUNLOP AGENCY

Re: Task and Pirates

Unfortunately fantasy material is very hard to place and I wasn't enthusiastic enough to take Task or Pirates any further.

Please don't be discouraged.  You already have an impressive track record as a writer and I'm sure you'll find suitable representation elsewhere.  Good luck.
ED VICTOR AGENCY

Re:  Task, Pirates, Aztekk The Great.

Thank you for your letter.  The thing is, we represent Douglas Adams.  The conflict would be far too great as I'm sure you can see.
TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS

Re: Bouncy Women

One of our editors has looked at this material and feels that it is a good idea as well as an extremely topical one.  However, although she feels you do have ability she doesn't think that this idea can be sustained for the length of a novel.

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